So there I was...a free trip to New Orleans for the week. After being a stupid hasher and getting on a 1 am flight Sunday morning I made it to the New Orleans GDR. It was a lot of fun I must say. It turns out I know more hashers there than I thought so after the run and the parade I went out to drink. At a bar we were randomly talking to this guy from London while waiting for drinks and low and behold he turned out to be the GM for the London hash. Small world indeed. While there we also did some recruiting. I helped recruit 3 for the DC area and hopefully one each got sold on the Boston and New York hashes. There were more virgins and visitors at the gdr than local hashers.
Monday I partook along with some other hashers a Parade. Some hashers were in the parade so we just kind of tagged along and danced with them behind a porotable Irish Pub. Yes I got a little drunk and Wed, and Thurs, and Fri, and Sat too. All in all it was a good trip and work was done though not as much as I should have.
Now one thing I did hear and must repeat is Spreads em' from Austin or Houston told me to tell Brownie he is a wanker. I heard some other things too but will save those for later.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
It's Snowing.....again
So after being so nice saturday, high in the 70's it snowed sunday, and it was one of those wet slushy snows too. Then it snows last night nad is still snowing. I love Colorado weather but I think I am ready for nice weather again. Especially if I am going to wear a damn dress on the 15th. Calling for snow and or rain late next week. So nothing major is going on but the Avs are winning again....finally. Okay so nothing is going on and my blog sucks again as always. I was impressed when I saw that Prince Harry actually served in a real capacity and anomalously for a while. Only 10 weeks but better than nothing. Unlike his father who what spent a little time on a boat far from any fighting or danger. Okay come April I need a new project to work on. I have the raft made with box-o wine bladders in the design stage but since it will be constructed in North Carolina I need something new. C-4 has yet to give me a start on her juice box dispenser and that may be done by April. So I am looking for ideas. I am still considering the extreme beer pong table but that is a long term project and will involve intricate design work, angles, and construction time. I will wait till I have a house for that one.
Oh yeah I need suggestions for liquors for the boobs for Green Dress.
Oh yeah I need suggestions for liquors for the boobs for Green Dress.
Friday, February 29, 2008
POOP!
Memorize these definitions, and shitting at work or in public will become a pure pleasure.
ASTAIRE (The Fred Astaire Approach) - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the crapper can crap in peace.
BACKFLUSH - The uncomfortable situation in which the toilet bowl has become so full that it is now overloaded with shit and thus begins to spill over when flushed. If this occurs, all bets are off … get the hell out while you still can. Emergency personnel will need to be called in.
CAMO-COUGH - A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the crap log hits the water and the crap is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of airtime the shit has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE - A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing shit in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before shitting. Walk in and check for other crappers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
GHOST DUMP - An abnormal phenomenon in that all the necessary phases of dumping have been completed, but upon your assent off the seat nothing appears in the bowl. This usually occurs around HALLOWEEN.
HAVANA OMELET - A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
HOVER DUMP - When you come across a CRACKWHORE and need to take an emergency dump. The shitter positions himself about a foot above the bowl in a bent knee position in order not to make contact with the toilet seat. Splashing may occur so be prepared to evacuate immediately. If this does not work, you may have to resort to the MUMMY DUMP.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE) - When forcing shit, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic: remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
MUMMY DUMP - If HOVER DUMP is impractical or you find yourself incapable of pulling it off, a MUMMY DUMP may be used in its place. This process involves the complete wrapping of the toilet seat in 1 to 2 inches of toilet paper. If time does not permit or toilet paper is in low supply, it may be necessary to resort back to the HOVER DUMP.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET SHITTER - A colleague who shits at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTER before entering the bathroom.
CRAPPING FRIENDS NETWORK (CFN) - A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency crapping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a crapper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR - A crapper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
UNCLE TED - A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON - A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
TUMMY-TUCK - Being forced to leave stall before taking care of business because of a STOOLBLOCKER.
STOOLBLOCKER - An oblivious and shameless colleague who does not hesitate to enter the stall adjacent to yours and unleash holy hell without concern for your presence, safety or subsequent impression.
ASTAIRE (The Fred Astaire Approach) - A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the crapper can crap in peace.
BACKFLUSH - The uncomfortable situation in which the toilet bowl has become so full that it is now overloaded with shit and thus begins to spill over when flushed. If this occurs, all bets are off … get the hell out while you still can. Emergency personnel will need to be called in.
CAMO-COUGH - A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
COURTESY FLUSH - The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the crap log hits the water and the crap is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of airtime the shit has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
CRACK WHORE - A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORE at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.
ESCAPEE - A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing shit in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic and embarrassment, similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
FLY BY - The act of scouting out a bathroom before shitting. Walk in and check for other crappers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
GHOST DUMP - An abnormal phenomenon in that all the necessary phases of dumping have been completed, but upon your assent off the seat nothing appears in the bowl. This usually occurs around HALLOWEEN.
HAVANA OMELET - A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
HOVER DUMP - When you come across a CRACKWHORE and need to take an emergency dump. The shitter positions himself about a foot above the bowl in a bent knee position in order not to make contact with the toilet seat. Splashing may occur so be prepared to evacuate immediately. If this does not work, you may have to resort to the MUMMY DUMP.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE) - When forcing shit, several farts slip out at a machine-gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic: remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
MUMMY DUMP - If HOVER DUMP is impractical or you find yourself incapable of pulling it off, a MUMMY DUMP may be used in its place. This process involves the complete wrapping of the toilet seat in 1 to 2 inches of toilet paper. If time does not permit or toilet paper is in low supply, it may be necessary to resort back to the HOVER DUMP.
OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET SHITTER - A colleague who shits at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTER before entering the bathroom.
CRAPPING FRIENDS NETWORK (CFN) - A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency crapping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET SHITTERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN - A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a crapper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR - A crapper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
UNCLE TED - A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
WALK OF SHAME - Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
WATERMELON - A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
TUMMY-TUCK - Being forced to leave stall before taking care of business because of a STOOLBLOCKER.
STOOLBLOCKER - An oblivious and shameless colleague who does not hesitate to enter the stall adjacent to yours and unleash holy hell without concern for your presence, safety or subsequent impression.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
2 more days
So in 47 an 1/2 hours the Kimchi will hash and Net will be haring (Fag). I will be driving down for it as usual. I think Net is right and I might as well move down there. If I had the money I think I would rent an apartment or buy a house there for the weekends and holidays. Then it could also be there for all the out-of-towners when they come in. Yeah that is a pipe dream since I don't have any money. Driving down and crashing will just have to do. I have yet to meet a completely uncomfortable couch yet. Z's are actually really comfortable for all those that are interested. Yes this is a sucky blog today but I am tired of looking at this report I am writing. Actually tired of making picture collages for it. Sounds funny really. So C-4 and I have been discussing crashing in the car when really hammered and the laws about that as well as hot-wiring cars. Any thoughts out there? So I need your help. I know for a fact Brownie drinks Box-O wine but anyone else who does. Save me/give me the wine bladder from the box when you are finished with them. A couple hashers from the Trash and I are going to concoct the S.S. Box-O from them for a Trash Floats. So I need some bladders for this. We will also be using some of the boxes to if you want to give me a signed one like a Kimchi one to mount on the SS Box-O.
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